Ever feel like you're in a movie? Something really strange or bizarre happens during the course of an otherwise ordinary day and you expect to hear someone yell "Cut!" from behind a camera. We've all been there before,right?Last Wednesday, I could have sworn I made cameos in 3 different films. As I reprise my performances for you, I will change some names to protect the innocent.
My first stage call was around noon. The scene-The warm and greenly familiar Church Office. As I enjoyed the always pleasant company of my good buddy, Skywalker, the Nativity sculpture at the office reception desk caught my attention. I boasted to Skywalker that I could tell what company manufactured the sculpture simply by the painting of the characters' eyes. "May I turn it over and see if I'm right, I asked?" Skywalker nodded.
Everything from this point on happens in slow motion.
As I turned the sculpture over, the angel hurtled off her (oops,his) perch and landed on the counter. God protected me and the figurine was not broken. "Whew," I said, "That was close. I'll just put her (I mean him) back on the hook."
But, there was no hook!
Only a gaping hole remained where the angel once held on. Skywalker looked panicked. "I won't tell, Chris!" she whispered loyally. All of a sudden, I was Lucy Ricardo, feverishly trying to rescue herself from yet another self-imposed jam.
I ran to look for the only substance that would help me forget what I had done-Krazy Glue. I wondered what would become of me if I couldn't repair the fallen angel. Would I lose my job again? Psalm 91 began to take on a whole new meaning-"He will give His angels charge over you." This particular angel had taken complete charge of my life!
I struggled to re-attach the angel to the sculpture, but there were only had 2 drops of Krazy Glue
in the old tube I had found and I had used those to stick my fingers together. "What Would Jesus Do?," I thought. I knew at once that I must confess my misdeed to the person in charge.
I prayed for mercy as I marched into her office and apologetically recounted my story.
"Did that thing fall off again?," she said. "I told Lily to fix it." (Insert laugh track here )
My second role of the day was in an action/comedy. The scene was a direct rip-off of part of one of my favorite films, "Back to the Future."
It was 2:30pm, I left the store and went to pick my kids up from Cerritos College. As I turned onto Alondra Boulevard, something in my rear view mirror distracted me. The car behind me was trying to pass me on the right despite the fact that I was in the outermost lane. "What's his trip?," I thought. Suddenly, he swerved into the lane next to me.
Everything from this point on happens in slow motion.
The car that was now behind me was skidding as if the driver was losing control of the vehicle.
As I glanced at my rear view mirror, I couldn't believe my eyes. Perched on the open passenger window of the skidding car was a young, latino man with a shotgun aimed at the car next to me!
I began to cry out to God. "Help me Lord." I prayed and I wondered why this scene appeared so familiar to me. "It's exactly like when the Libyans were after Marty McFly!"
Taking a cue from Marty himself, I floored it! But, instead of going back to 1955, I ended up in the Del Taco parking lot, catching my breath, thanking my Jesus and again, meditating on Psalm 91.
A few minutes later, I picked up the kids and as I told them of my Marty-esque experience, I was called to the movie set once again.
"I am really glad you're okay, Mom," my son said.
Cue slow motion.
My son's heartfelt sentiments were suddenly interrupted by the unnerving crunch of a car accident happening in front of us! No sooner had the traffic stopped, when the guilty driver sped away, and the owner of the damaged car took off in pursuit leaving a bumper and some headlight remnants behind.
"I want to go home," I muttered wearily. "You almost did," said the Lord.
You oughta be in pictures,
You’re wonderful to see,
You oughta be in pictures,
Oh what a hit you would be!
Not so Lord. That would be reel bad.
